Reasons Why
by kirmizi
Summary: After Leah reminisces with Seth about how they first phased, she is concerned about some consequences of being the only female wolf, and answers come from an unlikely source.


Disclaimer: Twilight and all of its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer and Little, Brown and Co. Any copyright infringement is unintended.

* * *

It hurt. A lot. Not as much as before, but still enough. Leah thought that when she left the pack, the pain would be gone for good. Unfortunately, it got worse when Bella had her baby. Even though it was half-leech, it was still a remarkably beautiful baby. Seeing such a miracle happen made Leah's desire for her own family even stronger, so much that it throbbed. Overcome by depression, Leah moved to lay down by the Columbia River past the Cullen house, and put her head down on her front paws. This werewolf thing had thoroughly ruined any chances of that happening, though. It took away Sam, and her ability to have children. Her life was now a curse.

_Is not._

Leah sighed. _Seth, shut up. You have no idea what I'm going through._

_Sure I don't, it's not like I don't hear your thoughts, you know. Look, Leah, sure this whole thing can be annoying sometimes. But, hasn't it had its perks, too? I mean, before, we never did anything together. And now, we understand each other more, we've hung out together, and we're closer now. That never happened before Dad died. Doesn't that mean anything? _Seth's mental "voice" was pleading, expressing how concerned he really was about his sister.

Leah sighed again. _Seth, don't you remember? I'm the reason Dad died. He saw me after I phased. He heard me howling after I saw myself, and went to see what the noise was. He knew it was a wolf, because he was a tribal leader. He tried to settle me down, and then Sam showed up. He knew it was me, and phased back to let Dad know. _She howled in pain. _I am the reason Dad had a heart attack. I am the reason he died. _She was crying hard, and fell down on the earth, curling in on herself.

Suddenly, she felt a familiar form curl around her. _It's okay, Leah. We're okay. He was just surprised, that's all. You're the first girl that phased; of course he would have been surprised. It's not your fault. You heard what Dr. Snow said, it was bound to happen anyway. His cholesterol and heart pressure were through the roof, and he hadn't monitored it enough. It was an accident, that's all. We were all taken by surprise. There's no way we could have known it would happen so soon._

Seth's thoughts turned to his memory of what happened that fateful afternoon. Seth had been sitting in the kitchen, working on his homework. _Stupid geometry. Using it in real life, my ass. You don't need angles to know that a building is tall. Stupid._ He hated math, and was getting more frustrated by the minute. That was when Dad came in with the mail. Seth saw him head for Mom, and watched as they talked in low murmurs. The murmurs got heated, and gradually got louder to the point that Seth could hear it clearly. No one noticed the door open, or the person who had come in then.

"They're getting married?"

Harry, Sue, and Seth abruptly turned their heads, stunned into silence, to see Leah, eyes welling with tears, looking visibly upset.

Sue looked like she wanted to comfort her daughter, and took a step, arms outstretched.

"No! Leave me alone!" Leah turned onto her heals, and ran back out the door.

Harry ran after her, and stopped a few feet away from her. She had her arms wrapped around herself, and she was shaking in anguish. Harry stepped closer, softly placing a hand on his daughter's shoulder.

"Honey, I know you're hurting. But believe me, Sam wouldn't want you to be hurt. There are things that happen that are beyond our control-"

At that, Leah wheeled around, face red with anger. "Oh sure, like he could CONTROL himself from dumping ME, his GIRLFRIEND, for _HER_, MY _COUSIN_!"Leah was unable to speak any more, overtaken by her anger and pain. It was becoming stronger and stronger, and was slowly being added by pure fear. She began shaking from the pain.

Seth was watching out the door by his mother, eyes wide. He had never seen Leah lose it like that before. He saw his father move away from Leah, as if he had been burned. Then, suddenly, without any warning, Leah exploded. Literally. Shards of cotton went flying, and in his sister's place was a giant, snarling, wolf with teeth bared. Alarmed and fear-stricken, he saw his father fall backwards, grasping his chest, his left arm curled inward. Just as he saw Leah move to swipe at Harry, Seth jumped forward, desperate to do something to keep his father safe. He felt himself shake, and he fell forward. He went to catch himself on his hands, and saw giant paws instead.

"_What the-?" _His words came out sounding like a loud howl. _"What's happening to me?"_

"_No! What's happening to me? What is this? Help me!" _The voice Seth heard then went incoherent with fear and panic. He looked around, and saw the wolf that had been his sister.

"_Leah? What-?"_

Just then, he heard screaming and turned to see his mother cradling Harry's head in her lap, arms wrapped over him protectively. "Harry, no! Seth! _Leah! _Oh, please, no!"

Suddenly, Sam came running in a pair of cutoff jeans, from where Seth had no idea. His eyes were wide with shock and alarm, and headed straight for Harry.

"No! Harry! What's happened?"

Sue was sobbing, but managed to get a few words out. "Announcement- Leah- ran- oh, _Harry_! Seth- Oh!"

Sam's eyes went even wider, and stared at the two strange wolves at the same time two more wolves ran into the yard, teeth bared and crouched down.

"Leah? Is it possible?"

_STOP!_

With that, Seth's thoughts came back to the present, and looked to see Leah howling in pain, curled in anguish.

_I'm sorry. I couldn't help it-_

_Just stop. I don't want to remember. Just stop._

Seth decided on changing the subject. _And anyway, we're closer to Mom now because of it. We weren't so close before. As for your other…stuff…why don't you talk to Mom about it? Since she's a leader now, she might be able to help you. _

Leah, worn out, curled into her brother's side. _Thanks, Seth. Love you._

_Love you too._

_What's she doing here?_

Hours later, Leah looked up from where she was laying to find Jacob bristling and staring towards the long drive of the Cullen's.

_Who, Jacob?_

_Rachel. She's driving my car up the drive. Hang on, I gotta go see what she's doing here._

Jacob's mind then disappeared. Leah slowly followed nearby, not only curious, but also feeling the need to protect the alpha wolf and a member of the tribe. She saw the Rabbit come to a stop as Jacob's human form came into view. Rachel climbed out of the car and went to hug her brother, only to be stopped by Jacob holding her shoulders tightly.

"Rachel, what are you doing here?"

"I came to see Leah. Dad told me I'd find her here."

Leah finally showed herself, and tilted her head to the side to show her confusion.

Jacob looked taken back. "Why Leah?"

Rachel brushed her brother's hands off. "It's kind of a personal thing, Jake. Mind if I talk with her alone?"

Jacob looked to Leah, who nodded her head.

Rachel smiled. "Hey, Leah, I brought some of your clothes with me. Your Mom thought you might like them."

Leah smiled a wolfy smile, stepped forward, and Rachel helped her collect her clothes between her teeth. Leah then turned around and went behind a tree to phase and dress. A minute later, she left the privacy of the giant tree to face Rachel.

"It's okay, Jacob. She'll be okay with me." Leah understood how much Jacob wanted to protect his sister while she was so close to the Cullens.

After Jacob left, Rachel motioned for Leah to walk into the trees, where they could talk with what little sense of privacy there could be with a mind-reading vampire and other vampires and werewolves with exceptional hearing. They sat down opposite each other on some boulders sticking out of the ground.

After taking a deep breath, Rachel looked at Leah. "Leah, my dad got a call a couple hours ago from your mom."

Leah's head shot up. "Is she okay?"

Rachel nodded. "Yeah, she's great. She's really worried about you, though. She got a call from Seth. She said you were having trouble with some, uh, feminine issues?" At this, Rachel looked both embarrassed and concerned.

Leah blushed. "Wow. I guess he was serious." She chuckled dryly.

Rachel's lips turned up a little at the corners. "Yeah. He cares a lot for you, you know. Anyway, Sam and Seth wouldn't let Sue come out here. So, they had Sue call my Dad, and asked him to pass the message along. Dad told me, and I said I'd come see you. Paul was mad, but let me come as long as he followed me to the border, and Seth followed me the rest of the way here. So, what's going on exactly?"

Leah knew that she could trust Rachel, so she decided to talk to her. "Um, well, you know how I'm the only she-wolf?" Rachel nodded. "Well, since I phased the first time, not only did I stop aging, but I, uh, I stopped having, you know…" and Leah motioned to her lower abdomen.

Rachel's eyes widened. "Ah, I see. Have you seen anyone about that?"

Leah shrugged. "I talked to Mom about it once, since she's a nurse and all. She said it's probably just a side effect of being a werewolf, that I shouldn't worry too much."

Rachel nodded. "And what do you think?"

Leah looked away, feeling a stronger flow of emotion starting. "I- I don't know. I-don't you dare tell anyone this- I can't help but feel like there's something wrong with me. Why was Emily a better person to imprint on than me? Is she just the better cousin? Does that mean that I wouldn't be good enough to imprint on? And as far as my personal stuff goes, does that mean that I can't have what I want? What I was originally meant for? To be a mom? Is it my punishment for wanting Sam? I couldn't have him, so now I can't have a baby, either? Or is it a testosterone-filled thing? Since every other wolf has ever been a male, then I lose the ability to be like a female?" Tears began to flow, anguish apparent.

Rachel left her boulder to sit by Leah, wrapping her arms around her. She rubbed her hand up and down Leah's back and arms, trying to soothe the body-shaking sobs.

After a few minutes, Leah was still crying, but her body was under control. Rachel suddenly had a moment of insight, and looked up to see into Leah's eyes, since Leah was much taller than Rachel.

"Leah, did you ever think that maybe what's happened to your body and with Sam was an unconscious protective measure?"

Leah looked to Rachel in confusion, not speaking.

"Look, one of the classes I took in Pullman, at Washington State, was Human Sexuality. We covered female anatomy, and we had a lot of discussions about how the woman's body protects the fetus. What if, your wolf gene was doing the same thing? Think about it. The body changes a lot during a pregnancy. The smallest stressor or mishap could miscarry a fetus in the first trimester. Imagine if you were to become pregnant. How long have you been able to go without phasing? I'd imagine not long. You're needed as a protector right now. So, if you phased, your body would change. Your spine, organs, everything shifts when you phase. That includes your uterus. If you were pregnant and phased, it might endanger the fetus, your vulnerable baby. Since your purpose is to protect the unprotected, wouldn't your baby be included? Your not having a menstrual cycle is probably your body's only method of protecting the child you haven't had yet. I'd bet that as soon as you stop phasing, everything would go back to the way it was, physically speaking."

Rachel paused, allowing Leah to take in what had been said. It made sense. Her main purpose and priority was to protect others from the vampires. She had to focus on that.

Rachel had another thought. "Leah, whose side of your family was Emily born on?"

Leah was taken off guard. "Uh, my Mom's. Why?"

Rachel looked thoughtful. "And your Mom took over being a Tribal Elder when your Dad died?"

"Yeah, that's right."

"Okay, so the wolf gene might not be in your Mom's family, which would mean that Emily wouldn't have it. What if that's the reason why Sam imprinted on her? If Sam is anything like Paul, he, uh, likes to be close to his imprint whenever possible. If he had stayed with you, he would have, well, you know, uh, wanted to be closer to you. And since you have the wolf gene, he would have put you at risk of getting pregnant. What if it was another protective measure? To make sure you didn't get pregnant?"

After a long moment's silence of thinking, Leah nodded. "Okay, I see what you're getting at. It's all to make sure that the future of the wolf gene is safe. Thanks, Rachel. It still hurts to think about it, but thanks for pointing out a viable reason for it all. Maybe…maybe, if things weren't like this, if myths didn't exist, I would have been with Sam, and everything would be normal."

Rachel squeezed Leah's shoulders. "You're welcome. If you ever need anything, don't hesitate to talk to me. I do consider you as a friend, you know."

Leah smiled. "Yeah, you too." She paused. "So, Paul likes to be close, as you put it, huh?"

Rachel stiffened and blushed. She chuckled dryly. "Uh, yeah. It's why my Dad's insisting I stay at his house since I'm done with my degree. He doesn't want me living on my own now that I'm with Paul. He's old-fashioned that way. He wants me married first. Just don't tell Jake about Paul, okay? I kinda don't want my baby brother going all overprotective on me and fighting Paul."

Leah nodded. "Trust me, it's not something I want to be thinking about. I just hope that Bella and Edward know what they're going to be up against when Renesmee is older."

Both girls laughed, and walked back to the Cullen house.

* * *

I got the inspiration for this story when I was thinking about the part in Breaking Dawn when Jacob and Leah and thinking together about why Leah joined Jacob. It's in chapter 16, specifically starting on page 317. It's about Leah being, as she called it, a "genetic dead end." I decided to expand on that concept.

Another author, IAmKate, has been writing an Imprint series, focusing on Sam, Quil, Embry, Paul, Collin, and now Leah and the children of the wolves in the Twilight books. Her story about Leah has some very similar aspects of my story. When she initially mentioned her idea of writing a story about Leah, it brought this story to mind. I started writing this in early 2009, and it's been collecting cobwebs since, and I finally finished it, and here it is. This is as far as my idea goes. If you want more, you can check out IAmKate's work. You can find them on my profile, under "favorite authors" and "favorite stories." She's an excellent author, and I enjoy her work. Also, if you want to read another theory about Leah, check out "Trusting the Magic" by paramagic310. It's excellent! 


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